


Do words really fail?

by Theinsanelycoolmichaelmell



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Boyfriends, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kleinsen, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Suicide Attempt, agnst, fiances, flagnst, post highschool au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 21:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14986079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theinsanelycoolmichaelmell/pseuds/Theinsanelycoolmichaelmell
Summary: Evan has a nightmare about that summer before senior year and figures its finally time to tell someone what really happened.





	Do words really fail?

I'd rather pretend, I'm something better than these broken parts

pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am

'cause than I don't have to look at it

and no one gets to look at it

no, no one can really see

Evan thought back to a certain portion of the note he wrote. For the first time in what seemed to be years he was not shaking. Not unsure of what came next, not scared to take another breath. No, Evan was uncharacteristically calm. It was the calmness of knowing what came next. He felt relief knowing he would never have to be stuck like this again. He knew this was for the best. All he ever did was mess things up. He burdened his mother and father and hell, even Jared. He knew in his heart that this would just make things easier for everyone else. He made his way to his park and walked around for a bit. It seemed almost fitting to be doing this now. The Summer was Evan's favorite season after all. He walked across the open field for what seemed like hours before he finally picked the perfect tree. 

The tree was tall enough, that was for sure. Evan began to climb the tree and soon enough made his way to the top. He sat there silently, opting to take in the view before he did what he had wanted to for god knows how long. He searched for anything, any type of sign that maybe he shouldn't do this, but that sign never came. He took in a deep breath and then moved so his arms were gripping the tree while his body was dangling under it. It took him a few moments but then he let go and waited for everything to finally be over.

Evan awoke with a start. He sat up in his bed and tried to catch his breath as his chest heaved. Jared soon awoke next to him and rubbed his back reassuringly. 

"s'okay Ev, you just had a nightmare. everythings gonna be alright." Jared cooed.

Jared knew that Evan was not the easiest person to be with and quite frankly, he didn't care. He loved Evan for who he was and how far he had come in the last few years. The two were now 25 and engaged, both had graduated from college and were living in their own apartment together. 

"Jare I-" Evan attempted to speak but his throat was very constricted at the moment. 

"I know, Ev" Jared said as he placed a kiss on his fiance's forehead. After what seemed like ages, Evan was finally ready to talk. Jared moved to pull off the now sweat drenched covers and turn on the light. He came back and took Evan's hands into his own.

"My love, I need you to talk to me. whats going on?" Jared asked gently. 

"Remember that summer when I broke my arm and got the cast?" Evan started unsure if he would be able to tell the truth. He figured he spent enough time dwelling on it and he would finally tell someone what really happened.

"I never really told anyone what really happened." Evan said as he glued his eyes to the bedspread. Talking about this just made his stomach churn in the worst ways.

"You can tell me Ev, nothing you could say could change how I feel about you" Jared said urging his fiance to continue.

"I didn't fall all those years ago. I-I let go." Evan stated. He felt a weight being lifted off his chest as he finally told somebody what actually happened. He held this secret for too long and saying it aloud made him feel so much better.

"oh Evan" Jared said as he felt his heart break. He knew Evan had a troubled past but he never seemed the type to try and kill himself. Jared didn't realize he was crying until he felt Evan wipe away his tears.

"I guess thats why I've been having all these nightmares lately, because I was never honest with anyone not even myself." Evan stated. Jared finally found the courage to speak up.

"Evan, I'm so glad you trust me enough to tell me this.. I just wish there was something I could've done."

"Don't blame yourself, Jere. when we were teens we weren't exactly close and well, I was to afraid to let anyone in any way."

"I know I wasn't there before but I promise you, I will be now. Whatever comes our way its you and me, Ev."

"I know that now Jared, you and I will always be here for each other. I was in such a bad place before but that was years ago."

Jared pulled the taller boy into a hug. He couldn't bare the thought of losing Evan and he was pretty sure his younger self would have said the same thing. Evan made everything better. Evan made Jared feel like they were actually doing something right.

"I never wanna lose you" Jared mumbled against Evan's chest.

"You're never going to." Evan whispered. The only time he ever thought about suicide was when he had those nightmares. After he sorted everything out when he took that gap year before college, he never felt the need to think about such topics.

"I'm so glad you told me"

"I'm glad that you were here to listen."

Jared pulled away slightly so he could look his fiance in his beautiful blue eyes. He carefully tilted Evan's chin to the side and placed a loving kiss on his lips. Evan was quick to reciprocate Jared's actions and both men welcomed each other's embrace happily.

Jared had never been that great with words. He never knew just what to say or how to make things better but he would always try. That was something Evan loved about him, no matter how hard things got, Jared always kept a brave face.

"I love you" Evan said when they finally pulled apart.

"I love you too, Ev"

Evan got up to turn off the light. He soon got back on the bed and pulled his fiance close to his chest. They stayed like this for a while, whispering sweet nothings to each other. All those years ago, Evan would have never thought he would've been thankful for only breaking his arm but now he truly was. He was glad that he held on, went to therapy and did what he had to do. Teenage Evan also believed that life would never get better, but he soon realized that was wrong too. Life had in fact gotten better, without and then with Jared. Evan was no longer the anxious teen who would overthink things and isolate himself from the world. He took the steps to get better and he finally made it.

"I love you so much, Jare." Evan whispered.

"I love you more than you could ever know, Ev." 

Evan smiled against his fiance's shoulder. With his arms wrapped protectively around the shorter man's waist, he allowed himself to fall asleep.


End file.
